Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category

Supreme Dictator Won’t Call Out Fat Chicks

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

She wasn't fat, it was just this much hanging off the side

She wasn't fat, it was just this much hanging off the side

The Supreme Dictator of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez has suggested that his citizenry lose weight. Chavez smartly only mentioned gordos (fat men) in his speech about obesity. When referring to Venezuela’s female citizens he said,  “I’m not saying fat women, because they never get fat.” He added coyly: “Women sometimes fill out.” [full story]

Meanwhile Chavez has no problem telling the President of Spain he’s a fascist to his face or calling George Bush the Devil in UN speeches.  Or check out a clip from Hugo Chavez’s presidential call-in show, “¡Alo, Presidente!”. He calls Bush a donkey at 0:50 :YouTube Preview Image

Good Morning, Obama! coming soon

Good Morning, Obama! coming soon

Even a despot in complete control of the state’s media, police, and military wouldn’t dare call a woman fat. Order must be maintained, and fat women must always be told they look good. These are society’s rules.

Ironically, dictators are always crowd pleasers. They always tell people what they want to hear, “We’re gonna win the war. No more taxes. The revolution is here. It’s not your fault, it’s the foreigners.”

Chavez always plays the crowd. He sings love songs:YouTube Preview Image

He uses Venezuela’s passion for Baseball to pump up his speeches. He says he gonna beat Bush with a bat. And whose bat is it? It’s Detroit Tigers and Venezuelan hometown hero Miguel Cabrera‘s bat:YouTube Preview Image
Makes you wonder if the Al Gore or John Kerry grew some Hugo Balls, maybe things would look a little different.

Kerry Connects with the Everyman

Kerry Connects with the Everyman

Check out the show he puts on when he visits Russia. Work the maracas, baby!YouTube Preview Image
Hugo Chavez is the Party President! Oooowww!
 

The CIA staged a coup, political opposition has fought for years, but Chavez knows the truth, don’t tell the truth and people will love you. Tell women they need to lose weight and you’ll have an Angry Fat Lady Army(AFLA) revolution.

The women won’t actually do anything,  they’ll just make their brow beaten husbands overthrow the government. It’ll be the first revolution out of obligation.

“Tell him.”

Man shuffles forward while his fat angry wife looks on,”Look Chavez we gotta ask you to go. Karen is really pissed, I mean you understand. She’s really sensitive about her weight.”

Chavez,”Okay dude, I was wasted. Sorry.”

End Scene. The Chavez Regime has fallen.

For more on why you should hate skinny bitches, Mo’Nique. :YouTube Preview Image

Or read her book:

In this case Evil means: Doesn't breathe heavily while eating a steak.

In this case Evil means: Doesn't breathe heavily while eating a steak.

The isn’t the first time Venezuelan weight has made the news. Below Venezuelan Miss Universe Alicia Machado who almost lost her crown after gaining too much weight.
Alicia "I like Snacks and Dudes" Machado

She's definitely thinking about Snausages.

Donald Trump told Howard Stern she was an “eating machine”. She later fucked Fernando Acaso on the Mexican version of Celebrity Big Brother,  La Granja de Los Famosos(The Celebrity Farm). Bobby Abreu of the Anaheim Angels wasn’t happy because well, he was engaged to her.

For the full video of Alicia Machado cheating on Bobby Abreu [click here] SFW.

Minute 3:45 is when the silly shit kicks in. words, “Tienes una pinga divina.” You have a divine cock.

You never want someone to cheat, but there’s something worse about fucking a guy on reality t.v. who is famous for dubbing over the voice of Jim Belushi.

Now a scene of Bobby Abreu finding out she cheated on him:

Bobby Abreu: Big Brother?

Friend: Nope. Mexican Big Brother.

Bobby Abreu: The Spanish Voice of John Belushi?

Friend: Nope. Jim Belushi.

Bobby Abreu: Jim Belushi! Wow I am a superstar baseball player and she just cheated on me with the human equivalent of Pathmark brand Cola.

Results are in: She prefers the Real American Taste of Esselunga Cola

Alicia Machado prefers the Real American Taste of Esselunga Cola.

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First Tranny of Cameroon

Monday, November 23rd, 2009


If you don’t know this is the First Lady of Cameroon, Chantal Biya:

Tammy Faye-Burkina Faso
Tammy Faye-Burkina Faso

The Pope first visit to the Thunderdome
The Pope’s first visit to the Thunderdome
President of Cameroon wonders if his wife is a dude
At least once a month he says, “Stop it you’re hurting me.”

Whatever the contest is, you won.
Checkmate! She can move like a King or a Queen

Tranny Tips: It’s a guy if you can tell which one is paying for dinner

I can’t mention international chick-dudes without mentioning this ma-lady, Andre J:

Yes it's me Abe Lincoln. The Time Machine malfunctioned horribly.
Yes it’s me Abe Lincoln. The Time Machine malfunctioned horribly.

I used to see Andre J alot walking around the Village and Chelsea. So much so, I thought he was my Jim Morrison’s Naked Indian. You never look as crazy as asking someone on the street, “Did you see that Abe Lincoln Tranny?”
 

I knew he didn’t work because I always saw him during the day shopping, or just wandering the streets. It’s not like he could get a city job. After googling “abe lincoln beard tranny” I finally found my answer. Of course, he’s a Vogue Fashion Model:

This year is all about bearded trannys and satin snuggies
This year is all about bearded trannys and satin snuggies.

Andre J grew up in the projects of Newark. If you grow up in the ghetto and decide to dress like that, cheers! I’d tell him he had a real set of balls, if I didn’t think he’d take it as insult.
 

Carnac the Magnificient.
Karnac the Fabulous

heyo3WINDCHIMES

The envelope please. The question is, “What do you call a hermaphrodite’s penis.”

Here’s what Andre says about himself:YouTube Preview Image
Andre has outgrown America. After living in Austria, he has moved to London. “London to me feels like what New York used to be; I like the creative edge here. And Londoners are go-getters. I like that. I want to be a part of the creative revolution happening here.” [full story]
 
Till Andre J returns to America, to paraphrase Lovecraft, “He remains that which lurks.”

Scarlett Johansson is trying to win an Oscar
Scarlett Johansson is trying to win an Oscar

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Mussolini tells Hitler, “Stop biting my style!”

Monday, November 23rd, 2009


According to the newly published diaries of Mussolini’s mistress Clara Petacci, Mussolini got annoyed at people comparing him to Hitler. Mussolini is quoted as boasting in August 1938. “I have been a racist since 1921. I don’t know how they can think I’m imitating Hitler.” [full story]

I should be the most famous racist. Hitler's all media hype.

Mussolini just told Hitler a killer guido joke

 The diaries bring to light how much his mistress loved and cared for him. Walter Audisio, who shot Mussolini, said, “I did not have the impression that I was shooting a human being.” He was surprised when Mussolini trembled. Benito Mussolini shouldn’t be remembered as an evil man. He should be remembered as just another dickhead in a silly hat.

mussolini250

I'm gonna get those Deltas for ruining Faber University

 

Never Trust Dudes who Dress Up

Never Trust Dudes who Dress Up

Still holding on to his "I run shit" stick

Pretty Good Prank

Putting the scepter in his dead hand is genius. It’s like a really high brow version of writing BITCH on your passed out friend’s forehead.
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Hitler Moustache Pleads Not Guilty to Genocide

Thursday, October 15th, 2009


Please Judge a Book by it's Cover

Yup it's a Hitler Moustache at a Genocide Trial.

Improbably enough this Rwandan man, Idelphonse Nizeyimana, accused of creating the lists of Tutsis to be murdered, pleaded not guilty of genocide, cough, while wearing a Hitler moustache, or as he calls it, a Hip-ler.[full story]

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he doesn’t know what’s associated with the moustache. Maybe he’s just a fan a dictator closer to home, Robert Mugabe(see prev post)

He's a silent film buff who didn't pay attention in school

He's a silent film buff who didn't pay attention in school

You can’t claim ignorance. The Hitler Moustache is probably number three on the list of recognizable images. Number 1 is the Atomic Bomb, Number 2 is Jordan’s Jumpman Logo, and Number 3 is the Chaplin/Hitler stache which you get to wear when you’re the most popular person in your country.
ONE:nuclear-bomb-explosion_WEB

PLUS TWO:   jump
PLUS THREE:        adolf-hitler_02
 
EQUALS=
From Riefenstahl's Photoshop

From Riefenstahl's Photoshop

Sadly this is the one image people from all cultures from all parts of the world can identify. Mass Media has made sure everyone can identify Michael Adolf Jordan Hitler dunking on a nuclear explosion which I think sends a strangely hopeful message: Hitler and Jordan say no to Nuclear War.
 
Mickey Mouse was a runner up but he didn’t make the top three. He doesn’t have a top selling shoe and no one constantly accuses politicians of being a modern day Mickey Mouse.

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Senegal Builds Blaxploitation Monument

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009


The President of Senegal is building an gigantic monument in honor of the self proclaimed “African Renaissance”. The project is surrounded by a slum. You’d think you’d wait to build something like this till the amputation and gang rapes stopped:[full story]
 SENEGAL-MONUMENT

Statues moved in, there goes the neighborhood

Statues moved in, there goes the neighborhood

This is what the completed monument is supposed to look like:

13ft higher than the Eiffel tower and with way better abs and titties

13ft taller than the Eiffel tower and it's got way better abs and titties

Abdoulaye Wade, 83yr old president, said he wants 35% of any tourism profits because he came up with idea for the statue. Everyone knows he didn’t invent that statue, this artist did, check out his ”master p-$ez’s”:

I can't stop lifting babies

I can't stop lifting babies

I googled strong black woman, the rest was easy.

I googled strong black woman, the rest was easy.

Scatman Crothers loves the genre:

From the new Ethan Allen catalogue

From the new Ethan Allen catalogue

This monument celebrates Africa’s liberation from “centuries of ignorance, intolerance and racism” with Africa’s current problems: staggering corruption and bugged eyed presidents:

President of Senegal, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?"

President of Senegal, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?"

Uganda President Yoweri "Cocaine Eyes" Kaguta

Uganda President Yoweri "Cocaine Eyes" Museveni

Mali President Alpha "Oooh Weee!" Oumar Konaré

Mali President Alpha "Oooh Weee!" Oumar Konaré

Niger President Tandja Mamadou ready to tell the U.N. who stanks

Niger President Tandja Mamadou ready to tell the U.N. who stanks

Zimbawe President Robert Mugabe goes with these always understated Hitler moustache

Zimbawe President Robert Mugabe goes with the always understated Hitler moustache

Guinea-Bissau President Joao Bernardo Vieira won the election in a bareknuckle brawl

Recently killed Guinea-Bissau President Joao Bernardo Vieira won the election in a bareknuckle brawl

Chad President Idriss "Trust Me" Deby

Chad President Idriss "Trust Me" Deby

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International White Trash Vol 1.

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

 
Slovak sign Superior to Hungarian Sign

Slovak sign Superior to Hungarian Sign

In this first edition of International White Trash, Slovakia has enacted language laws limiting the use of Hungarian, the language of a sizable portion of the Slovak  population. The “citizens” have taken upon themselves to make it so: 
On one occasion, she was at the cash register and speaking in Hungarian to one of the buyers when someone in line warned her about her choice of language.  “She said ‘In Slovakia, Slovakian,’” recalled Szucs, adding that she had never before faced such problems since she started working at the mall in 1971.”  [full story]
Lets all think just take a moment to think about working in a Slovakian Mall in 1971. This should help:
  
 
The point is, people say South Philly’s Geno’s Steaks, where you have to order in English, are small minded jerks, they’re wrong! They’re actually part of an international coalition of like minded assholes:
Pat's Steaks
 
Also check out their balanced opinion of the Mumia Abu-Jamal case:
Steaks shed light on Mumia Case

Steaks shed light on Mumia Case

 
Geez dude, I wanted cheese fries, but I guess they just come with dead cops.What you can’t see is Daniel Faulkner is skinniest thing in a South Philly. Hello Porno Handsome!

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Fashion is the Best

Thursday, October 1st, 2009


This is why fashion is the best. They can take any miserable situation and make it into an expensive trend. Check out Paul Smith with his new line inspired by Congolese fashion.
[full story]
Britain London Fashion Week
I really appreciate this Makin’ Lemonade attitude. Here are my other favorite African fashion trends:

Shake up the office with a tank-tie-kalishnikov combo

Shake up the office with a tank-tie-kalishnikov combo

For the mom that needs to Multi-Task

For the mom that needs to Multi-Task

Liberian belief dressing like Tyler Perrys Madea makes you invincible

Liberian belief dressing like Tyler Perry's Madea makes you invincible

This kid is huge in Japan

This kid is huge in Japan

Amputee Capris

Amputee Capris

Denim makes Metrosexual manly.

Denim makes Metrosexual manly.

Loafers can really dress up a casual look.

Loafers can really dress up a casual look.

For more on why child soldiers dress like ladies check out this article:
[full story]
For more on the naked guy, he is General Buck Naked. Leader of a child soldier army, ate a kids heart, and like all scumbags, now a Christian Preacher. He is the President of the End Time Train Evangelistic Ministries Inc. Alright dude, I guess so. I hope someone names their indie rock band End Time Train Evangelistic Ministries Inc.
[The Story of Gen. Buck Naked]
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Crackah Barrel Follies

Thursday, September 17th, 2009


Reservist AttackedSurprisingly this man had a racial incident outside an Atlanta Cracker Barrel. Correction, shockingly there was a racial incident outside an Atlanta Cracker Barrel.[full story] 

He probably knows a lady I met at a bar once, Cyndy with two “y”s, “you know like how skynrd does!” We’ve all met Cindi with an “i”, but I feel honored to have met Cyndy with two “y”s

I ain't, but my Forearm is Free

I ain't, but my bicep is Free


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Hard to Think About: Nickelback FanArt

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

I've never been more pro-landmine

I've never been more Pro-Landmine

It’s hard to think about someone who loves Nickelback so much they make Nickelback Fanart.
It’s even harder to think about a person, whose made so much Nickelback fan art, they want to help other people make Nickelback Fan Art. Follow the link to see how best to draw Nickelback Front Man Chad Kroeger: [How To Draw Nickelback]

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